Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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