come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
