I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
