I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
