Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
