If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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