Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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