I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
