idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
