Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
