you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Randomize
