All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
