Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
