i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
