We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
