And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
