Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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