I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
