I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
