Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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