She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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