I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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