all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
