Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
