i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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