I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
