They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
