When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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