I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
