i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
