sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
