So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You took a bar mat shot.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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