I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
