apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
