I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
