That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
