so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
