I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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