did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
