she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
