make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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