apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
