I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
