For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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