Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
