he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
