apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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