is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
