I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As shirtless as possible
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
