Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
