You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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