i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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