I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I want a musical about memes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
