I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
