i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
