Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
