After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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