Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
