Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
