I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
