Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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